I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
