I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
