So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
