Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
