I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
