I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
