I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
