Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
