carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
