All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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