just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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