oh god the rape fog is back!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
