just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
