I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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