Yo dont text me then not text me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
