dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
