I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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