i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize