Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
