I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
