i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
