Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
