This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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