Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
