Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
