so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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