my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
