People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
