u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
