sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize