do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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