If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize