That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
