Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
