Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize