I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
