Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
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i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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