After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
