Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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