no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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