The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
