you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
