how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
