yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
