Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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