I'm really into asian looking animals
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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