Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
