1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I love black thongs
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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