I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
