There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize