Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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