You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
