used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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