3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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