how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
