I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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