This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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