i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
