i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
