my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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