Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
