i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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