its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
