they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
