i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
