Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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