I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
