Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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