I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize