I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
