its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
