just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
