hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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