Are we in a gay sports bar?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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